Cable Withdrawl

While I loved my time working in Child Exploitation, now that I'm out of it I realize how much more time I seem to have. No caseload and no work from home has been a huge weight off my shoulders. The fly in the ointment is that I'm working midnights again. Why, might you ask, would I choose to work midnights? I am still asking myself that question. I'm more of a swing-shift kinda gal...the pace and hours of swings makes me far happier. But, alas, I need to actually spend time with my family, even if it is zombie-time. It's been two months, and I feel like I've finally adjusted to the shock of it and am now starting to enjoy my shift and my days off. Then we went and got rid of our TV. My idea...with Shawn's full buy-in. Turns out I'm the only one around here feeling the loss. My multi-tasking, ADD tendencies meant the TV was often my background when doing any and all things around the house. Now there is a very heavy silence around me. It's plain weird. I'm jonesing...

Things are in great turmoil around here. We are in the process of letting our condo and house go. I hate to say we are "losing" them because really it's a calculated decision rather than a loss over which we have no control. It just doesn't make sense to continue throwing money way. With attacks on our income and pensions, it is proving to be a good decision. We will hopefully come through the other side of this with a plan for retirement and college for the kids. Home-ownership just isn't the opportunity it once was. We've learned that we cannot count on the pensions that we'd been planning around for all these years, so it's time to make adjustments and difficult choices. The good thing about this? It has forced us to really analyze our priorities.

All the turmoil at work has caused me to really reflect on exactly what about my job makes me happy. The pension, benefits, and job security have always been a draw. I've always thought of myself as lucky to have fallen into this work without a degree and without really planning it. I've loved this job from the start. With the security, pension, and benefits all being shaken, how do I feel? I still love it. It's interesting, exciting, meaningful and fun. But I have to admit that I'm deflated. The loyalty I once felt for the city has waned in the face of the barrage of attacks. My morale, like everyone around me, is low.

So, as a woman of action, I'm looking for something else. Not necessarily a job change - with 20 years invested it wouldn't be prudent to leave right now. But I'm going back to school and thinking about what I want to do next. I'm drawn toward something that allows me to affect a change in the consciousness of women. My work in Internet Safety, sexual assaults and child exploitation has really opened my eyes to the way women are treated, and the way we treat ourselves. I want to do something to change that. I'm not sure how just yet. My interests in health and nutrition are also working their way into my thoughts of the future. Perhaps I can find a way to weave all of these into a meaningful hobby or cause.

I'm not sure if I'll talk much about Shawn or the kids on this blog. Without their permission, it seems somehow a violation. In fact, I'm not exactly what I'll be using this blog for other than to write and practice formulating thoughts and ideas...a welcome change to the "facts" and "synopsized statements" I usually write.

Thanks for reading!